Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?

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  (734): Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you? http://tfl.nu/kjun
  Replies (18) Good night (3592) Bad night (1055)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk

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  (612): How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk http://tfl.nu/wp9g
  Replies (7) Good night (1102) Bad night (3586)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?

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  (612): he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper (952): Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it? http://tfl.nu/ydx5
  Replies (9) Good night (1025) Bad night (3954)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.

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  (315): Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages. http://tfl.nu/62kk
  Replies (15) Good night (2882) Bad night (1265)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

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  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (436) Good night (56525) Bad night (7016)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday

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  (270): my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday http://tfl.nu/iucl
  Replies (5) Good night (1648) Bad night (2234)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.

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  (519): That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked. http://tfl.nu/ff8s
  Replies (9) Good night (763) Bad night (2573)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy

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  (330): Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy http://tfl.nu/16kg
  Replies (12) Good night (1078) Bad night (3140)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?

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  (757): Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes? http://tfl.nu/b8rs
  Replies (40) Good night (1063) Bad night (2341)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now

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  (207): It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now http://tfl.nu/zpim
  Replies (18) Good night (2270) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick

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  (607): You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick http://tfl.nu/kpxh
  Replies (18) Good night (3233) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.

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  (619): No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch. http://tfl.nu/4axa
  Replies (6) Good night (3327) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.

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  (314): your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning. http://tfl.nu/cyj6
  Replies (3) Good night (1232) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"

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  (727): After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer" http://tfl.nu/pzul
  Replies (4) Good night (1204) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.

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  (541): I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night. http://tfl.nu/j3cy
  Replies (0) Good night (398) Bad night (233)

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