somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
