I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.