Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"