i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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