Texts From Last Night

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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out

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  (306): Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out http://tfl.nu/kvs3
  Replies (5) Good night (732) Bad night (857)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".

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  (402): I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis". http://tfl.nu/dn08
  Replies (17) Good night (779) Bad night (6580)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.

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  (405): There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS. http://tfl.nu/dubs
  Replies (59) Good night (7190) Bad night (1532)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.

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  (509): I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man. http://tfl.nu/1swk
  Replies (36) Good night (8981) Bad night (1145)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.

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  (601): I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk. http://tfl.nu/k978
  Replies (13) Good night (3743) Bad night (1182)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day

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  (480): She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day http://tfl.nu/vsgx
  Replies (4) Good night (3604) Bad night (916)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.

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  (214): he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day. http://tfl.nu/ey19
  Replies (16) Good night (5205) Bad night (930)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy

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  (973): Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy http://tfl.nu/3461
  Replies (5) Good night (2784) Bad night (1030)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Are my feet made of real feet?

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  (740): Are my feet made of real feet? http://tfl.nu/dext
  Replies (17) Good night (5845) Bad night (1102)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless

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  (904): the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless http://tfl.nu/5o22
  Replies (10) Good night (1925) Bad night (691)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.

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  (304): The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke. http://tfl.nu/dnme
  Replies (9) Good night (2155) Bad night (539)
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  (716): View more from New York

  We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.

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  (716): We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures. http://tfl.nu/5q46
  Replies (2) Good night (1104) Bad night (449)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else

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  (207): we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else http://tfl.nu/gty0
  Replies (5) Good night (1469) Bad night (533)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.

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  (507): I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner. http://tfl.nu/ny52
  Replies (15) Good night (1286) Bad night (854)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?

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  (734): Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook? http://tfl.nu/02qq
  Replies (5) Good night (347) Bad night (528)

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