Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.

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  (214): Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again. http://tfl.nu/1vav
  Replies (12) Good night (4537) Bad night (631)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.

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  (608): May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in. http://tfl.nu/2att
  Replies (6) Good night (3790) Bad night (1095)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.

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  (303): Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face. http://tfl.nu/aa6s
  Replies (1) Good night (3189) Bad night (920)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.

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  (252): We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job. http://tfl.nu/vj5r
  Replies (11) Good night (2598) Bad night (1074)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.

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  (517): I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole. http://tfl.nu/6med
  Replies (3) Good night (1168) Bad night (1966)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.

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  (508): This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies." (401): I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are. http://tfl.nu/26v4
  Replies (17) Good night (5314) Bad night (1046)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"

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  (801): Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night" http://tfl.nu/sbyz
  Replies (7) Good night (1877) Bad night (646)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.

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  (812): After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything. http://tfl.nu/te7o
  Replies (9) Good night (1514) Bad night (733)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.

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  (406): sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of. http://tfl.nu/ki5k
  Replies (5) Good night (1666) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.

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  (440): im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know. http://tfl.nu/c5k4
  Replies (11) Good night (2251) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.

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  (815): if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover. http://tfl.nu/myhj
  Replies (2) Good night (790) Bad night (618)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.

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  (561): She thinks Jesus was an astronaut. http://tfl.nu/koey
  Replies (11) Good night (1031) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.

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  (832): And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking. http://tfl.nu/dun3
  Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.

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  (914): Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block. http://tfl.nu/om9a
  Replies (0) Good night (624) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right

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  (610): I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right http://tfl.nu/fw6i
  Replies (2) Good night (624) Bad night (707)

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