My sheets look like a crime scene.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts