I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.