I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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