Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we have officially lost it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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