he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize