fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
