I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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