This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
