I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
