The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
