I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
