Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
