I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
