chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
