OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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