right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I came so hard my ears popped.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
