he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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