she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
