i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
