my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
