I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
