nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
