She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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