dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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