Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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