When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
