i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
