I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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