How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize