Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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