do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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