If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
