there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
