If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
