Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
