Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
