Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
