Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize