I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
