I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
