i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
