I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
