I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My sheets look like a crime scene.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
where am i from again
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just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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