Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
