yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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