I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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