Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
