My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
