What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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