I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
