I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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