omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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