That's intense
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
