Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
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I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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