I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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