There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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