She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
