Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
