just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize