Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
