He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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