3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Your cock deserves a montage
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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